Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Absence Makes the Heart Grow | Marriage Letters Link Up

Absence Makes the Heart Grow | Marriage Letters Link Up | All Things Sunshiney


Dear Marriage:

As a little girl, I dreamed of you.  I set you up in my mind to be full of happiness and joy - a craftsman style bungalow with a fenced yard, three kids, a puppy, two cars in the driveway, and two people (one of them was me) who loved each other like Noah and Allie in The Notebook.  I viewed you as a vending machine, as if I could push the right buttons and get exactly what I ordered.  I placed high expectations upon you and thought that you would be the key to my happiness. 

As a naïve young woman, I met you and I was so in love with you.  Finally, my name was Wife.  For ten years I danced on eggshells with you, terrified that if I wasn't Wife, then I was nothing.  I placed you on a pedestal and then I blamed you for not meeting my high expectations and fulfilling my happiness quota.  You were my idol and I was blinded by your name and my television based fantasy of what you SHOULD be for me.  I didn't nourish you properly or pray for you until it was too late.

After you left, I swore that I would never dream of you again.  I was so full of anger and bitterness towards you.  You were a dysfunctional vending machine that only dispensed boxes of darkness.  I could not see what you really were - a sacred bond that required choice, commitment, and work from two people.  I would see you thriving for other couples and, because of my comparisons, I despised you more.  I stopped believing that you could ever be on the same page with me.

Over the past four years, I have forgiven you.  I have started to pray for you again.  I asked you to forgive me.  I started learning about you -- the real you that God intended you to be.  I am starting to believe in you again, but not in my little girl dreams of you.   I have opened up my heart towards you, I have earned a deep respect for you, I have grown because of your absence, and I thank you for every lesson you have taught me.

Even if I never personally meet you again, I believe in you and everything you stand for.  I cheer for you in the lives of my friends and family.  I pray for you in the life of my daughter.  I believe that you are worth the struggles, the late nights, the tears, the joys, and the way you break a heart open for good things.

Prayerfully that my heart continues to grow,
Julie

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Linking with Marriage Letters at http://theRunAmuck.com

2 comments:

  1. This was wonderful! What a great take on the Marriage Letters! Thanks for your vulnerability and your perspective.

    ReplyDelete