So what have I been up to? Laughing, loving, healing, breaking open, growing, etc. It's all been good things.
I have been reading some of Mary Oliver's books. She is an amazing poet and her words speak to my heart. In her poem, "Summer Morning" out of the book Red Bird, the opening line states:
"Heart, I implore you, it's time to come back from the dark, it's morning, the hills are pink and the roses whatever they felt in the valley of night are opening now their soft dresses, their leaves are shining."
This is so powerful to me, for where I am in my life's journey at the moment. A few days ago marked seven months since my divorce was finalized. I have spent a lot of time in a dark place, a sad place, but the past several weeks I have been feeling hopeful again and like I can see the sunshine coming.
Divorce is devastating all the way around. I don't feel that anyone can come out of a marriage and not be saddened or changed by the fact that it didn't work out. Nobody goes into a marriage thinking they will be divorced someday; I certainly didn't. Grief is a tricky cookie. Some days I feel okay and some days something will trigger me right back into a place of brokenness. Today is a good day and one where I can say that I am thankful for the ten years I spent being his wife. I wouldn't change any of it, because that experience helped to shape me into the woman I am today.
I am grateful for today and the sunshine that is starting to peek through the clouds.
I am grateful.
I just celebrated my 34th birthday. The timing of a new year is overwhelming to me, as it coincides with my heart waking up again.
What I want to say is
that the past is the past,
and the present is what your life is,
and you are capable
of choosing what that will be,
Mary Oliver, Mornings at Blackwater
• • • • • • • • • •
Here's to a new year, to possibility, to living and loving your life.
I hope it's sunshiney for you today, friends.