Friday, July 29, 2011

hearts

a new feature on my blog will be the hearts i've been seeing and receiving. i haven't posted about hearts on here in a while, and for those of you who don't know the backstory of why they are so special to me, i will quickly share. last year, when things started falling apart, i felt so devastated. i couldn't understand why this was happening and honestly, i felt totally alone. i would be standing in the middle of a crowded place and feel like i was completely isolated. grief does that to a person, i guess. i had never experienced grief like this before. i can not put it into words. it was shocking. one day, i looked down and i saw this - in a public restroom of all places...one of the ugliest/dirtiest/germiest places to be.


the significant thing is not that i saw a piece of tissue paper on the bathroom floor, but it was the timing of when i saw it. i had gone into the restroom to cry. it was a moment of many, when my grief was too much and i had to let it out. my natural physical response to grief or stress is to cry. some people do other things, like laugh or get angry, but i am a crier. other criers will understand what i'm saying here. sometimes, it just has to come out! so, i'm in the restroom crying and trying to get it together so that i can go back out into the world with a smile on my face and not "give myself away" in that my life is falling apart and i'm praying and asking God if He is even there. can He hear me at all? i felt so alone. and i looked down and saw it. and even though it was tissue paper, it seemed like He was talking to me and saying, "I love you, Julie. I love you." so, i took my camera out and snapped a photo. and that was the beginning...

since that day i've seen so many more hearts. sometimes i see them when things are going just fine and dandy, but most usually, i see them when i'm having a really rough day. friends have started sending them to me through text, through email, through facebook. the funny thing, to me, is that every time i see one...i'm not looking for it. i don't leave my house in search of hearts. i'm almost shocked when i see one actually. maybe somebody reading this thinks that it is silly that i associate something so random with God, but i truly believe that He chases His children, that He pursues them. and since this is my blog, i guess i can express whatever opinion i want. ;)

that's the short story of hearts and why they have become so special to me. i started posting my hearts on facebook and the response was so overwhelming. i get emails a couple times a week from people telling me that it makes them happy to see these. i like to keep confidences, so no worries, i am not going to tell anyone's story. :) i think the thing i've learned through sharing them, and sharing my heart, is that we all go through periods of hurting, that we all feel alone sometimes, and that it is comforting to think that love is surrounding you, even if you feel alone.

we are never alone.

and with that...on to the hearts! i have so many to share, literally hundreds, that i should be able to share them for a long time on here. :) i am going to start from the beginning of my photos and go chronologically, so forgive me if you've seen these before. my hope is that maybe they can comfort someone else who hasn't seen them.

(in a can of tomato paste)

(on my friend, mischelle's, back after a workout. mischelle is very special to me. she was my aerobics instructor from the gym i went to before we moved last summer. i remember days that i would be hitting the bag and she would come up to me and encourage me to get my stress out..."get it, julie! get it!" and i would hit that thing until i was literally exhausted. she's awesome.)

(i found this on my phone one day. jb was playing with my phone as i was trying on clothes in the dressing room at the mall. she didn't realize she was taking a photo of a heart, she just thought it was a light fixture. i almost deleted this, but i looked closely and saw that heart. pretty cool.)
(on the floor of the gym. i mean, even lint can be heart shaped!)

i will start sharing these more often! i hope you all have a wonderful day!

1 comment:

  1. Julie,
    This was an inspiring story! I love that He has sent you hearts! I have been reading your blog and am so happy to have been able to meet someone as interesting as you! I see a kindred spirit in many of the things you do and write. :-)
    Roxanne

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