Saturday, May 7, 2011

this too shall pass...

i must say, the past year has been challenging. it is amazing to me to look back and see God's hand in my life at every turn, even though there were many times that i felt very alone and wondered if He could hear me at all.

so, what have i been up to? well, i'm going back to school. yes, as in "your mom goes to college" from napoleon dynamite. i want a tshirt that says that. badly.

i just finished my finals this week. i have a small break until july, when i will begin my summer session. i have classes to take in the fall and i will be finished with my minor. many of you have been asking me what i'm going to school to do. my hope is to enter the non traditional teaching licensure program and teach at the middle school/high school level. this will allow me to stay on jb's schedule as much as possible and that is a priority for me. i have a bachelor's degree in accounting (you have to have a bachelor's degree to enter the program) and i'm going back to school to kill two birds with one stone. (1) i'm getting my english minor - this is mainly for content knowledge. plus, if the teaching gig doesn't pan out, and i have to get an office job, it will look great on my resume to have a minor in english. (2) there are a few classes you have to have under your belt before you can enter the program anyway. i didn't need many classes to go ahead and complete a minor because when i was going for my major, i took mainly literature/english classes as my electives. this will also not box me in as far as teaching goes. as long as i pass my praxis tests, i should be able to be available to teach business or english. so that is my plan, although i am fully aware that plans can turn on a dime at any moment. i do feel a bit lost, because i can't see the end, but i feel confident that i'm going in a positive direction.

i've also been working and soaking up as much time with jb as possible. i've been working on my house and in my yard. let me say, single mothers of the world: i salute you! being a mother is hard work anyway (awesome work, but hard). finding the time to squeeze everything in has been an adjustment, but i'm making it work. i planted some tomatoes this year and they are starting to bloom!

i will be extra proud if i don't kill them before they turn red. :)

jb has been showering me with mother's day gifts for the past few days. she's SO sweet. she made me this flower with a silver pom pom in the middle because "mommy, you are my sparkle." my goodness, i am blessed, blessed, blessed to have her. i wish all of you a happy mother's day. i know this can be a painful time for those who have lost children. i pray that God will comfort you and give you peace.

yes, this past year has been challenging. i never thought a year ago that my life would look like it does today. but, God has a wonderful plan and a purpose and He isn't going to let go of me. i know that. you know, grief is a crazy thing. when you think you've gotten past it, it sneaks back up and surprises you. but, i'm learning that grief is a process and it's OK to allow yourself to cry, be mad, be sad, deny it, accept it, love it and hate it. it's all healing. people say that grief goes by its own time table and that is so true. there is no magic number or formula that says, "you will feel this for x amount of days and then everything will be fine." it's a process. some days are good and some days are bad. i'm moving forward and holding on to the truth that's in my heart...this too shall pass. i do feel, after the past year, that i am entering a different stage. i can't really explain it, and honestly don't need to, but something inside of my heart has shifted/changed. i am curious to look back and read this post a year from now and see how my life has changed yet again. God has good plans. yes, He does.

i'm loving this song right now. sometimes i'll hear a song a hundred times and it doesn't stand out to me and then one day i'll here it and the lyrics will ring so true.

and there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears
and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair...

here's to climbing over the hill. :) let's go, God. i'm walking with You.


  1. I'm proud of you! Great post!!!

  2. love your post, loved the song, love your hair!!!
    OK, and on a serious note, just hold onto JESUS like there is no other my sweet friend. He holds ALL things together, even when humans try to rip them apart.
    miss ya